This has been a time of change. I like to think of change as a baby elephant we are always riding. With more change, more age, the elephant grows up and inevitably, we become more aware of the world around us. It was just one week ago that I hurriedly scribbled away the last words of my government final. In a few days time, I will be flying to the capital of one of the oldest nations in the world. But this week has been different. It was change.
It was a loss of order and structure. No longer would I wake up every morning wondering if I would make it on time to work. No more Sundays of stressing over dreaded math worksheets. No more shattered hopes upon discovery of sub par dining hall food. The friends I had accustomed myself to seeing on a daily basis had all left, gone their separate ways for the summer. Just a Saturday ago at noon, I was forcibly ejected from my 9 month home of Sargent Hall.
That day, as I dragged my luggage through its empty hallways and rusted doors, I felt strange. A sense of tension and vigilance. Perhaps I was nervous or excited, or just… something. My flight was not until Monday morning, and I was just improvising at that point. I stayed at Mudd Library for several hours. By dusk, a friend I contacted in Willard graciously offered me the hospitality of his room, and of course, Willard itself, which was a large mansion. I played a lot of piano, ate quite unhealthily, and slept a lot. I had always been bounded by things beyond my control, but for the first time, I had to make all the decisions, with nothing guiding me; no deadlines, schedules, or requirements. And knowing any answer, any path, any decision could be a right one was scary. I was used to order, not chaos.
I know that as I begin my time at the program, I will be returning to a normal life of routines and habits, such as going to class and completing assignments. But there is just so much more to explore in Beijing, that I can’t forget this side of being natural and whimsical. Letting things happen and making decisions freely. It will certainly be challenging and change is a given. Change. Just that word fills me with so much trepidation of uncertainty. As such, I am attaching a photo of me riding an elephant in Southeast Asia, reminding myself that change seeks to give us a broader perspective of the world and that some analogies are just terrible.
