Finding Peace of Mind In Our Mothers’ Gardens
When Ms. Lauryn Hill took the MTV Studios Stage in 2002 to perform her unofficial second album, she metaphorically entered Alice Walker’s ancestral garden realm, engaging in a long-standing genealogy of Black womanist resistance and expression. Walker’s “womanist” theory is explicitly defined in the preface of “In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens” as “a black feminist or feminist of color…Usually referring to outrageous, audacious, courageous or willful behavior. Wanting to know more and in greater depth than is considered “good” for one” (xi). A womanist “Loves the Spirit… Loves struggle. Loves the Folk. Loves herself. Regardless”(xii). Hill’s raw and emotional performance of “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” embodies Walker’s womanist principle of refusing the impossibility of finding peace in spirituality and seeing love in the world and in oneself even in the midst of painful struggle.
Hill brings to life Walker’s notion of the Black womanist artist that has been suppressed across generations, yet her life and career illuminate a wholly new and unique set of limitations previously unimaginable to Walker, who was still only envisioning a future where Black women have the liberty to express themselves however they so choose. The contemporary weapon wielded against Black female artists who have resisted the suppression of their spirit and creative expression instead takes the form of incessant demands, unrealistic expectations, harsh criticism, and deprivation of their sanity.
“I Gotta Find Peace of Mind,” one of the most widely recognized tracks from “MTV Unplugged 2.0,” is reflective of Hill’s struggles to freely express the most authentic version of herself amidst the spotlight brought by stardom and mounting expectations and criticism towards Hill’s artistry and personhood. This song and its semi-improvised live performance, framed by spoken interludes interwoven into her performance, exemplify the ways in which the contemporary Black woman artist has replaced Walker’s ancestral “Saints”– continually reduced to and discounted as “crazy, loony, pitiful” (Walker, 232).
Despite the overwhelming success Hill experienced following the release of her debut solo album, “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill,” she retrospectively describes suffering from the weight of “incredible resistance and discouragement,” having been “perceived by some as making trouble and being disruptive” and labeled as “crazy.” When creative expression is available to Black women, their sanity is targeted and negated by society so as to disrupt the empowering connection to the spirit. “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” features Hill’s repeated deployment of the lyric “He says it’s impossible, but I know it’s possible” – which she prefaced “See, this what that voice in your head says when you try to get peace of mind” (0:12)– speaks to the ways in which external doubt from broader society forces its way into her consciousness, preventing her from accessing the “peace of mind” offered by spirituality.
We can perhaps interpret the “He” she refers to as the biblical figure of Satan, or more in a more secular analysis, broader society which seeks to knock Black women down for simply having the courage to express themselves freely. As her performance progresses Hill becomes increasingly emotional, moved to tears by the end of the song. Each deployment of the lyric features nuanced interpretations, where we can see Hill wrestling with the spiritual tensions internally and externally imposed on her sense of self. In interrogating these tensions she is engaging in the “outrageous, audacious, courageous or willful behavior” Walker characterizes as “womanist.”
Hill’s legacy continues a genealogy of Black womanist creative expression that is maintained by contemporary Black female artists. In Beyoncé’s repertoire and career we see the further advancement of Walker’s hopeful vision for the future of black womanist expression. An artist who also makes a habit of breaking boundaries and resisting limitation or definition, she embodies the most hopeful extent of Walker’s dream wherein womanist spiritual and creative expression seeks not simply the “peace of mind”– or complex subjectivity, as coined by Anthony Pinn– offered by the recognition of Black humanity in Black religion, but further, the refusal of the persistent and historical “undeification” faced by Black women (as outlined in Russell and Tolani’s class facilitation).
Beyoncé’s womanist harnessing of symbols of Yoruba deities, described in depth in The Lemonade Reader, allows Black women to find empowerment in imagining themselves as goddesses, which further combats the pervasive limitations imposed upon Black womanist expression. In this way we see Beyoncé as continually building upon the foundations laid by Hill and her musical and spiritual foremothers, realizing a more profound and empowering “womanist” consciousness in contemporary Black creative expression.
