Hey MSA,
A faculty member keeps misgendering me even after sharing my pronouns with them. What should I do?
Yours,
Misgendered Yet Resilient
Dear Misgendered Yet Resilient,
First off, I am sorry to hear that you are having this experience. Being misgendered can evoke a range of emotions from annoyance to frustration, to say the least. For so long our society has operated off of the binaries of gender expression, political view, moral judgement and so many other dichotomies. And yet here you are, a living and breathing reminder of the fullness and vibrancy that can exists for us all when we refuse to put ourselves into confined boxes of yes and no, this or that. Your mere existence is resistance and I see you.
But that does not change the hurt that comes from being misgendered, even after correcting someone, not to mention the power dynamics that come with this being your professor. That is a lot. So, the question remains, as you wrote in, what should you do?
Is your class remote? If you find yourself being misgendered on Zoom, I would simply make the correction in the chat or aloud and state your correct pronouns. That might sound like,“Hi My name is….and I use…. pronouns.” Another suggestion is to include your pronouns to your name tag that shows on your Zoom account. That way as the professor seeks to call your name, your pronouns will be listed right there too!
As mentioned earlier, our society has functioned for so long on gender binaries that some people are slow to the game. It is not your job to teach your professor, for they may have their own learning to do. However, you can ensure that you are respected, which is a bare minimum expectation by correcting this person every time in a calm and matter of fact way. And if that gets tiring, maybe enlist the support of a friend who can also make the correction on your behalf. If this is an in-person class, I would mention it to the professor after class.
When you do correct your professor, they will hopefully quickly apologize and immediately make the adjustment. They also may react in an overly apologetic way that centers their mistakes and less of the harm. If this happens, repeat after me: “Your emotional baggage is not mine to carry” …(just say that in your head, not aloud!)
As a third type of reaction, you may observe that this behavior continues or your corrections are dismissed. At this point, it may be time to consult other resources on campus and enlist their support in advocating for you. You can submit a complaint via EthicsPoint, a non-emergency, anonymous platform to report unethical behavior for anyone at the University. Additionally, you can submit a report to the Bias Incident Response Team (BIRT), also a non-emergency, anonymous reporting system on campus. Lastly, know that there are many offices that can support you such as the Office of Equity, Counseling and Psychological Services, and your good friends in Multicultural Student Affairs. We are here for you!
Remember, just as your name would deserve to be corrected if mispronounced, so should your pronouns, as an important component of your identity.
Rooting for you,
Team MSA