A failure of a mother.

I previously blogged about my breastfeeding woes. There was much interest about it, and I received many encouraging emails, calls and messages that I thought I’d update everyone about it. I

After combing through all the messages, advice and resources you folks sent me, I decided that it was time for me to stop with the excuses and get down to building up my milk supply, which after some rest and sleep i understood was poor because the babies were away from me for some time in the early days, and by the time they came home, we were all reliant on supplementing them with formula that my own milk supply went down. Low demand therefore low supply. No need to take Econs to understand this. Which was good, cos I never read Econs.

So i decided that to build my milk supply, I needed to start feeding on demand. That is, feed as often and whenever the baby so demands this.


I decided to start with just Upin. I parked myself on the sofa in the morning after their bath, and started feeding. It went well. But Upin didn’t stop feeding, he just went on and on. Fed for short spells and slept on the breast. I managed to sneak a quick lunch.

BUT Upin got fussy about 3pm and started yelling his head off. I panicked and gave in to the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

 Result- FAILURE. 
I felt horrible for caving in with the bottle, and felt like an utter failure as a mother.

Decided that for this to work I had to tandem feed them. Both twins at one go. No excuses. Parked myself with my my Twin Breastfriend Feeding Pillow on the sofa and started again after their bath. Mom was such a darling, running around getting me drinks, and helping hold the babies when I needed a min to run to the loo for a pee break.

BUT Upin AND Ipin started getting fussy at 3pm. With both yelling their heads off, I panicked and caved into giving them the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

Felt like an even greater failure of a mother. Couldn’t understand why they were fussing.

Realised that tandem feeding was overly ambitious and decided to just focus on one twin at a time. This time, I decided before hand that I would give Upin a bottle at the 3pm feeing juncture BEFORE he got a chance to get fussy.

When 3pm came and I saw the fussy signs coming, I gave him the bottle.


Well not in the sense that I was successfully demand feeding. But, i didn’t feel like a failure. That 3pm bottle was planned. I didn’t feel half as discouraged as on days 1 and 2. And i continued to breastfeed him after his 3pm feed.

Baby steps right?

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