The day the milk came in

So i was stressing day and night about how I wasn’t yet able to totally breastfeed my babies and that my milk was slow coming in and that I was denying my twins a chance to have a healthy childhood because I wasn’t born a natural cow.

To be honest, it was difficult. I was teary a lot. I’d cry to my hubby, telling him how useless I felt, how I felt like I was failing my children. He listened and at first didn’t say anything much.

Until one night, he said,” You know Eveel, it’s ok if you can’t breastfeed them. I’m just worried about you and the possibility of you slipping into PND (postnatal depression).”

That night, I thought about what he said and the reality of me slipping into PND. Afterall, I did suffer from antenatal depression, and therefore at higher risk of PND. I already have a follow up counselling session scheduled in a few weeks so the psychiatrist can check up on me.

So it suddenly occured to me that:

1. I was formula fed and I turned out ok. If I can’t totally breastfeed my twins, I can be a great mother in other ways, and cook them super good food chockfull of antioxidents etc when their bigger, bring them to the park to get lots of exercise, pump them full of vitamins, etc.

2. Having a depressed non-functioning mother is much much worse than being bottle fed formula. I want my twins to enjoy me, the happy functioning full of joy Eveeleva that everyone knows and not the one who spends mornings crying in the shower depressed preggo Eveeleva.

So with a huge sigh, I told myself. SCREW it. I’ll do my best and that’s all anyone, including MYSELF, should expect of me.

Lo and behold, the next day, the milk came in. I guess I just had to stop stressing myself out about it.

I still don’t have quite enough to feed both twins, but I take turns to feed them breastmilk. Some breastmilk is better than none at all right?

OI, i’m doing the best that i can lah… =)

The day the milk came in

So i was stressing day and night about how I wasn’t yet able to totally breastfeed my babies and that my milk was slow coming in and that I was denying my twins a chance to have a healthy childhood because I wasn’t born a natural cow.

To be honest, it was difficult. I was teary a lot. I’d cry to my hubby, telling him how useless I felt, how I felt like I was failing my children. He listened and at first didn’t say anything much.

Until one night, he said,” You know Eveel, it’s ok if you can’t breastfeed them. I’m just worried about you and the possibility of you slipping into PND (postnatal depression).”

That night, I thought about what he said and the reality of me slipping into PND. Afterall, I did suffer from antenatal depression, and therefore at higher risk of PND. I already have a follow up counselling session scheduled in a few weeks so the psychiatrist can check up on me.

So it suddenly occured to me that:

1. I was formula fed and I turned out ok. If I can’t totally breastfeed my twins, I can be a great mother in other ways, and cook them super good food chockfull of antioxidents etc when their bigger, bring them to the park to get lots of exercise, pump them full of vitamins, etc.

2. Having a depressed non-functioning mother is much much worse than being bottle fed formula. I want my twins to enjoy me, the happy functioning full of joy Eveeleva that everyone knows and not the one who spends mornings crying in the shower depressed preggo Eveeleva.

So with a huge sigh, I told myself. SCREW it. I’ll do my best and that’s all anyone, including MYSELF, should expect of me.

Lo and behold, the next day, the milk came in. I guess I just had to stop stressing myself out about it.

I still don’t have quite enough to feed both twins, but I take turns to feed them breastmilk. Some breastmilk is better than none at all right?

OI, i’m doing the best that i can lah… =)

A failure of a mother.

I previously blogged about my breastfeeding woes. There was much interest about it, and I received many encouraging emails, calls and messages that I thought I’d update everyone about it. I

After combing through all the messages, advice and resources you folks sent me, I decided that it was time for me to stop with the excuses and get down to building up my milk supply, which after some rest and sleep i understood was poor because the babies were away from me for some time in the early days, and by the time they came home, we were all reliant on supplementing them with formula that my own milk supply went down. Low demand therefore low supply. No need to take Econs to understand this. Which was good, cos I never read Econs.

So i decided that to build my milk supply, I needed to start feeding on demand. That is, feed as often and whenever the baby so demands this.

DAY 1

I decided to start with just Upin. I parked myself on the sofa in the morning after their bath, and started feeding. It went well. But Upin didn’t stop feeding, he just went on and on. Fed for short spells and slept on the breast. I managed to sneak a quick lunch.

BUT Upin got fussy about 3pm and started yelling his head off. I panicked and gave in to the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

 Result- FAILURE. 
I felt horrible for caving in with the bottle, and felt like an utter failure as a mother.
DAY 2

Decided that for this to work I had to tandem feed them. Both twins at one go. No excuses. Parked myself with my my Twin Breastfriend Feeding Pillow on the sofa and started again after their bath. Mom was such a darling, running around getting me drinks, and helping hold the babies when I needed a min to run to the loo for a pee break.

BUT Upin AND Ipin started getting fussy at 3pm. With both yelling their heads off, I panicked and caved into giving them the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

RESULT: FAILURE. 
Felt like an even greater failure of a mother. Couldn’t understand why they were fussing.
DAY 3

Realised that tandem feeding was overly ambitious and decided to just focus on one twin at a time. This time, I decided before hand that I would give Upin a bottle at the 3pm feeing juncture BEFORE he got a chance to get fussy.

When 3pm came and I saw the fussy signs coming, I gave him the bottle.

RESULT: SUCCESS. 

Well not in the sense that I was successfully demand feeding. But, i didn’t feel like a failure. That 3pm bottle was planned. I didn’t feel half as discouraged as on days 1 and 2. And i continued to breastfeed him after his 3pm feed.

Baby steps right?

A failure of a mother.

I previously blogged about my breastfeeding woes. There was much interest about it, and I received many encouraging emails, calls and messages that I thought I’d update everyone about it. I

After combing through all the messages, advice and resources you folks sent me, I decided that it was time for me to stop with the excuses and get down to building up my milk supply, which after some rest and sleep i understood was poor because the babies were away from me for some time in the early days, and by the time they came home, we were all reliant on supplementing them with formula that my own milk supply went down. Low demand therefore low supply. No need to take Econs to understand this. Which was good, cos I never read Econs.

So i decided that to build my milk supply, I needed to start feeding on demand. That is, feed as often and whenever the baby so demands this.

DAY 1

I decided to start with just Upin. I parked myself on the sofa in the morning after their bath, and started feeding. It went well. But Upin didn’t stop feeding, he just went on and on. Fed for short spells and slept on the breast. I managed to sneak a quick lunch.

BUT Upin got fussy about 3pm and started yelling his head off. I panicked and gave in to the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

 Result- FAILURE. 
I felt horrible for caving in with the bottle, and felt like an utter failure as a mother.
DAY 2

Decided that for this to work I had to tandem feed them. Both twins at one go. No excuses. Parked myself with my my Twin Breastfriend Feeding Pillow on the sofa and started again after their bath. Mom was such a darling, running around getting me drinks, and helping hold the babies when I needed a min to run to the loo for a pee break.

BUT Upin AND Ipin started getting fussy at 3pm. With both yelling their heads off, I panicked and caved into giving them the bottle and bottle fed them the rest of the day.

RESULT: FAILURE. 
Felt like an even greater failure of a mother. Couldn’t understand why they were fussing.
DAY 3

Realised that tandem feeding was overly ambitious and decided to just focus on one twin at a time. This time, I decided before hand that I would give Upin a bottle at the 3pm feeing juncture BEFORE he got a chance to get fussy.

When 3pm came and I saw the fussy signs coming, I gave him the bottle.

RESULT: SUCCESS. 

Well not in the sense that I was successfully demand feeding. But, i didn’t feel like a failure. That 3pm bottle was planned. I didn’t feel half as discouraged as on days 1 and 2. And i continued to breastfeed him after his 3pm feed.

Baby steps right?

weightloss

The one thing that is wonderful about my difficult pregnancy, aside from the 2 lil angels that were yanked out from my belly by Dr Tham, was the weightloss.

I started out at X kgs (okay I is still shy about my weight, cos those of you who know me, know that I am no kate moss!)

So Xkgs pre-pregnancy.

When I last weighed myself before I popped at 8 months,  I was X+ 8.88 kg. (The nurses were so excited that they wanted to buy a 4D number!)

5 days after i delivered, I was X-1kg!

Can you believe? I was so excited that I had lost all my pregnancy weight and even dropped a kilo.

10 days after I delivered, I was X-3.5kg.

And now, almost a month after, I am at X-4.5kg.

I could have lost more I’m sure, but I haven’t been able to keep my grubby hands off the chocolates, pineapple tarts and kek lapis in the fridge. Tsk right?

This morning, I pulled out my favourite pair of GAP jeans that were just a little too snug a few months before I was preggo, and it pulled up easily, with a little room to spare! yaay! And believe me, my tummy hasn’t gone down just yet. So i hope i still have a few more kilos to go!

YAAAAAY!!!

weightloss

The one thing that is wonderful about my difficult pregnancy, aside from the 2 lil angels that were yanked out from my belly by Dr Tham, was the weightloss.

I started out at X kgs (okay I is still shy about my weight, cos those of you who know me, know that I am no kate moss!)

So Xkgs pre-pregnancy.

When I last weighed myself before I popped at 8 months,  I was X+ 8.88 kg. (The nurses were so excited that they wanted to buy a 4D number!)

5 days after i delivered, I was X-1kg!

Can you believe? I was so excited that I had lost all my pregnancy weight and even dropped a kilo.

10 days after I delivered, I was X-3.5kg.

And now, almost a month after, I am at X-4.5kg.

I could have lost more I’m sure, but I haven’t been able to keep my grubby hands off the chocolates, pineapple tarts and kek lapis in the fridge. Tsk right?

This morning, I pulled out my favourite pair of GAP jeans that were just a little too snug a few months before I was preggo, and it pulled up easily, with a little room to spare! yaay! And believe me, my tummy hasn’t gone down just yet. So i hope i still have a few more kilos to go!

YAAAAAY!!!